Away & Away

I was 21 years old and sitting in a conference room at my old high school, making phone calls to our alumni asking for donations to help our current students and upcoming school plans. My fellow classmates and I had called dozens of previous Marian girls. I looked down at my calling chart to see who I was calling next and noticed she lived out of state. I began wondering why would you leave Omaha. I was naive, newly engaged, grew up in the Omaha area and lived in the same house my entire life. My roots were securely planted and I had zero desire to ever leave my hometown. The thought panicked me, the fear of the unknown was enough to make me want to do anything to stay exactly where I was and I was determined to do just that.

A couple years later, my fiancé, Mike, and I were in our spring semesters at college and graduation was quickly approaching. Our wedding date was planned for a month later and we needed to secure jobs in order to support ourselves. In my mind we were staying in Omaha, it never crossed my mind to have a plan B or plan C. One night, Mike called to say our hopes of staying in Omaha for his potential job fell through and he needed to begin applying elsewhere, meaning out of state. My stomach sunk and the fear swallowed me. I had irrational thoughts about calling off the wedding, questioning whether we were really meant to be together and if this really was going to work, he graciously took each fear and reassured me we would do this together. It would be our adventure, just the two of us.

After a couple different interviews, accepting one job in Pittsburgh, then declining, we took a job with the government outside of Washington, D.C. in Rockville, Maryland. Our world was about to be rocked. We flew out together Easter weekend in 2009 in search for our first apartment. We looked at what felt like hundreds of complexes, trying to find our first home. The cost of living was enough to make us sick, but we were so confident with our new adult job and our salary seemed like we could afford the world. After much searching we found  and signed away for our first place together. It was a small 700 sqft apartment on the fourth floor, with no elevator, overlooking the pool and a price tag of $1500 a month. We felt like we were living large.

When we moved to Maryland, Mike started his job and I began searching for mine. I was unemployed the first three months and those days were the longest and loneliest days of my life. I spent everyday in our apartment reading, applying for jobs, waiting for interviews and for Mike to come home. Our laundry was always done, his shirts were always ironed and hung. The bed was always made, the apartment was always cleaned and dinner always made. I did my best to keep myself busy, but those days were sad. I cried almost everyday, homesick, missing all our friends and family. Feeling like I was missing out on our life back home. I desperately needed a job to connect with other people and I had high hopes for all the friendships I would soon make. But I quickly learned to stop dwelling on past, or looking too far into my future because I was missing my present adventure with my husband.

In September I was asked to come in for an interview at private preschool near our apartment. I was ready to start working and once hired I felt like a different person. Getting up in the morning, going to work and teaching gave me a whole new purpose and I loved what I was doing. But those friendships I longed for, they weren’t there. The culture of our new area was different than back home and making friends as an adult was much more difficult than when we were in school.

It wasn’t until the following spring Mike and I met what we call our family couple, Phil and Tiffany. They were also new to the area and we had been introduced at a church brunch one Sunday. As newly married couples in a new area we were desperate for friends and planned a double date the following weekend. We went out for pizza and a movie and the rest is truly history. We spent nearly every weekend with each other. Trying new restaurants, exploring new places, discovering D.C., we walked through family cancer diagnoses together, we celebrated holidays together. They became our family away from family.

After two and half years, Mike and I knew we couldn’t afford the lifestyle we wanted for our future family and decided to move back to Omaha once a job became available. In December 2011 we were expecting our first child and packing up our stuff to drive back to Omaha with the thought of finally grounding ourselves back in our hometown. Obviously, today we’re no longer in Omaha. in 2013 we could feel the uncertainty of Mike’s job and began searching for something new. We didn’t want to move away from family again and it was almost harder the second time. How were we going to explain another move to them; we were so excited to be with them again. We wanted to buy a house, celebrate our daughter’s birthdays and holidays with them. It really was a bizarre season for us and I can only explain it by God. We felt he was leading us where we needed to be, not necessarily where we wanted to be. This year marks five years since our move to coastal north carolina. It’s been an adventure to say the least. We’ve expanded our little family with two new additions. We built our first house, renovated it, we found a home church and we’ve met some of the most amazing people.

We often get asked how do we do it. How do we maintain life and family with no family support around us? What do we do for holidays? Why don’t we travel back home more often? Why doesn’t more family visit? The answer is we just learned to focus on our family and keep God centered in everything. I wish I could say our time here has been carried on friends just like in Maryland, but it hasn’t, at least not in the same way. The friendships we’ve formed here are good, really good in fact, but it seems Mike and I have constantly been in a different season than most of our friends. We were the first ones to have kids and it was like that for awhile. We couldn’t drop everything at the last second for a spontaneous double date without finding a sitter or stay out too late because we had a child with a nap time and a bedtime. It was hard, it still is hard. We celebrate every holiday on our own, creating traditions and making memories. So far almost all my closet girlfriends I’ve met have moved away, whether it’s across the state or across town. We keep in touch, we still have great friendships, but we don’t see each other and we lack that connection of physically hanging out together. Through it all and I know it sounds harder than easier, I’ve learned to lean on Mike, my mom and sister. I talk to my mom and sister (on the other side of the country) almost everyday. My husband and I are best friends, spouses and partners. Even though I know I need that girlfriend connection, a relationship with other mothers, I’m getting there. Honestly, with every move and lost friend I guard my heart a little more because with each move the hurt is deep, but we learn to adapt and work through it. We allow ourselves to enjoy our current season with the kids and try and focus on each other.

So if you’ve felt the same as me then hang in there mama, I see you. I see your loneliness, your hurt, your frustration. Give yourself grace for where you are right now. It will get better and those lifetime friendships you’re longing for, they’re coming.

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” - Eckhart Tolle